The following piece is by Nicole Caroli insight into how she was groomed and sexually abused. #

Nicole has her own website that you may like to check out: http://www.sweptunderthecarpet.com

**Trigger Warning**

“I will never know what went on in my grandfather’s mind, but this is my interpretation of his thoughts from things he said and did. I apologise if you find this uncomfortable to read.”

Most of us love family gatherings. As a father and grandfather, I certainly do. Such happy days! It’s normal for grandparents to spend time with their grandchildren, so it’s easy for me to watch what my gorgeous, little granddaughter is doing and then follow her when she wanders off alone.

What I do to her is just my way of showing her love, it’s just affection really. But I always tell her not to tell anyone after I’ve finished, just in case someone objects.

I started when she was really young, too young to know what was happening to her, and even if she did, she wouldn’t know how to explain it to anyone. And as she gets older, I trust she won’t say anything as she’ll probably be a bit embarrassed about what we do together.

My family don’t have a problem with it, otherwise they’d say something when I put my hand down her dainty, cotton knickers in front of them. But they don’t, they wouldn’t dare. I take it out quickly when my daughter-in-law comes into the room though. I don’t think she’d understand how I like to do things in my family.

I call my adorable granddaughter ‘my little chickadee’, and I praise her ‘million dollar legs.’ My wife calls me ‘a dirty old man’ but she’s so terrified that our open family secret will get out that her words don’t travel far. Not that anyone would believe it. Outside the family I’m seen as a lovely person; a well respected, old-fashioned gentleman.

And my family respects me too. They are my faithful minions, my acolytes. And commanding their continued loyalty is of utmost importance.

Because twenty years later on, my once endearing granddaughter is now an angry adult complaining about me having access to children. But I simply stand back and let my family close ranks to shut her up.

My wife threatens to commit suicide if this deranged granddaughter contacts the police and others call her selfish, and accuse her of making a mountain out of a molehill and picking on an old man.

What I did to my granddaughter in the past wasn’t much, she’s just a bad apple, ungrateful for all we’ve done for her and has no respect for her elders. I mean there are others who received affection in the same way, but none of them have made a fuss!

Apart from that one troublemaker who is swiftly dealt with, my family are a reasonable lot and continue to allow children to visit or stay with me.