Testimonials

SoB Participant Testimonial Nov 25
Cohort 14.

I am a professional woman. I earn a good wage, I am qualified in my field and, if you met me, you would think I am strong, professional, successful, self-assured and driven.

I can own a room when I am doing business development for my profession.

However, what you don’t see is that unconsciously, as I walk into a room, I scan it to see where the exits are. I work out where I should sit so no one can trap me. I stay away from people who present a perfect persona — my primal instincts tell me they are dangerous. These are not conscious thoughts; I just do this to survive.

For years I was frustrated with myself. Why couldn’t I move forward? Why couldn’t I stop self-sabotaging? No one else would know — just me. This was my normal. I validated my abuser. I believed I was rubbish, that I had no self-worth, that I was not worthy. I cemented these beliefs in my head without ever saying them out loud. My reactions agreed with them completely.

I felt stuck. Every day felt like Groundhog Day.

I needed a new outlet to break free — not therapy, which I had done for years, and not group sessions asking why I stayed after 25+ years of horrific abuse. None of that. I was ready for something else. I had reached my limit with the others.

Then I heard about Survivors Of aBuse. I thought, wow — how do I do this? And I applied.

The course was incredible. From the very beginning, I knew I was safe — a feeling that is rare. Please treasure it if you have it; it is a gift.

Living on constant high alert is hard work. It was what I needed, and I was ready. It’s not an overnight fix, but it makes a significant difference.

I can’t thank Survivors Of aBuse enough for how they have helped me move forward. The changes I’ve made have brought positive change into my life, and I am eternally grateful.

This is a different type of course and a different type of charity.

I was once told by a so-called friend not to support an abuse charity publicly because it “didn’t look good”. I am ashamed that I took that advice, because it validated the belief that I was not worthy — and I am.

I am no different from you. Many people have endured trauma of some kind. Be you — truly.

Trauma is what this charity is about.

The course teaches you how to understand it, how to recognise that your reactions are normal, that you are not “freaky”, and how to manage them. I am so grateful to have been able to take this course.

I have been called the “Ice Maiden” before. Please remember that sometimes people are like that for a reason — not because of you or what you have done, but because of what they have endured. Be kind. Kindness will be returned once people know they are safe.

From one professional to another: I am no different, other than having endured significant trauma and abuse. I am still fighting. It is just harder when you never feel relaxed or safe. I am still successful in my field.

Look around the room at your colleagues and friends. Think about how you would want them to feel — relaxed, safe, and able to realise their potential. It is basic, but it is important.

Please support Survivors Of aBuse. The course they run is life-changing for professionals just like those in this room.

Don’t hide. Abuse happens far too often. Let’s not validate abusers through silence. Be strong and step forward for a charity that genuinely makes a difference. It could be the colleague sitting next to you who needs this support — and who could go on to become the leader you need.